Surprises on the road to the memorial service

On the road to Champaign-Urbana to my mentorLes’s memorial service. Richard asked me if there were any surprises on the guest list (of course I don’t know the guest list). 

There are always surprises on Les’s guest list. Les knew a lot of people, so there will be more people I don’t know than those I do. But Richard wanted to know about surprises.

I don’t expect to see my ex-husband. I expect to see at least one ex-crush, but as it’s been years (I won’t say how many), it’s not going to cause any turmoil. There’s a possibility I might see an ex-boyfriend, and that would be a surprise, of course.

I haven’t lived in Champaign-Urbana for, I think, 25 years. I was just as — flamboyant? That’s not the word — Les said I had a large aura. That’s as good as any explanation. I was more emotional then, having not been diagnosed as rapid cycling bipolar then. I felt more insecure, because I hadn’t learned that admitting one’s insecurities made them a lot more manageable. I became obsessed with difficult, ambivalent men (the ex-boyfriends listed above). 

I knew a lot of people back then, and some of the people who found their way to Les’s cluttered living room were because of me. So there might be surprises.